At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
