He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Randomize
