GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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