So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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