thus making me awesome and them whores
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
