The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize