I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
