so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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