I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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