Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I need to align my fucking chakras
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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