why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
