So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
