i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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