yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
