Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
