elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
