Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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