the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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