yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
