my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
