That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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