peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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