Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Do vagina's smell?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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