I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
