I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
