I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
