I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
