The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize