i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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