I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
