Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
NoShamevember. You game?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
