so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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