I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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