When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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