we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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