my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
