70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm at about main and main street
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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