i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Randomize
