we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I am available for nakedness
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
