direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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