we have officially lost it.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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