my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
