these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
