my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
