this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
