Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
