Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
