my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
