My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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