A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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