just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
