This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
