It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I FOUND THE LEGS
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize