New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize