just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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