There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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