She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
