We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
