SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
