So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
