there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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