I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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