There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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