I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
