So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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