last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
