In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
