capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
