Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
